trepidation

This time I have to look at the good things in my life,even in this bleak time ,there is much to be grateful for.The slow process of learning who I am, valuing my attributes,my own good qualities,I am still as open and compassionate as anyone I know.Even if no-one else can see it,I know my heart is good ,my spirit willing,and that I do care about others,perhaps too much.Instead of looking at my failings,it will help me to see the good in me.Frustrsating as things seem ,I know that patience will get me through this hard time.Blame, has never solved any problem,when the heart of it is within myself.Trusting others ,is a bugbear of mine ,a constant paranoia of deceit,and lies.The issue seems to be around sharin,or rather lack of it ,I give of myself,completely,and others never have,breeding mistrust,mystery is one thing ,duplicity ,another.Back to positive matters,I still have realistic dreams,something to live and grow for.It is an ever steeper learning curve,painful,in many instances,but vital.There are many good folk that have helped me, in my times of trouble,both wisely ,and compassionately,they are always highly valued.So ,all the trials ive endured ,have not been wasted,there is always an up side,the balance ,is way out, though.I try to see the good in people,its just so difficult to,I am very guarded now,so many have deceived me it is a slow process.Whats the point of all this introspection,I wish there was a definitive answer,but,no,its a cathartic process,I just hope others can see something in all this emotive writing[does anyone know what all this mean anything]if so I have achieved something,another positive.