Sunday 22 November 2009
UNDERSTANDING
Seems to me,that all this anguish ,is lack of understanding,i do what i can ,but have finite limits,i still need co-operation.I am aware that some cope well alone ,or with a small circle of friends,I have hobsons choice,isolation,and self destruction,or mix with people who are detrimental to my health.I am also aware ,that this site is not the most cheerful ,or poetic,or interesting,my fault.I do know that it is the truth ,from my standpoint,it may be difficult ,at times ,as i can be,isolation does me no good,i feel blamed for being ill.Who ,given a chance,would choose to be excluded from work ,relationships and all the other things that others seem to forget they have ,when judging me.People do not seem to take in ,the fact ,that company ,does not mean computer chat lines ,but real people,face to face ,human beings, not cold type face.This is why i feel this way,the truth might be ,that i am not of enough importance to them.I do appreciate contact,there are good people on internet sites,there is no blame attached here,simply the situation as it is NOW.Perhaps I should not have ventured out at all ,then I WOULD NOT HAVE ANY EXPECTATIONS,CARRYING ON AS A RECLUSE ,but i did ,and now things are not working out,it is crushingly dissapointing.This BLOG, is the reason I am still expressing my thoughts/feelings,at times it is my only means of communication.All this really boils down to ,is the need to communicate feelings,and find others who understand them.Still struggling with both.The outlook ,to me,is bleak,too long has passed for me to just get back into things as they were before.Ihope the so-called charity who instigated this character assisination,has shame,because I know they have hurt many ,and just let them go,like so much disposable cattle.They will not win ,no matter how much this hurts[still]their turns are coming in due course.I can get through this,God knows how,but it will happen,even if it feels to me, like a lone stand, I will stand tall ,knowing i have right ,on my side,compassion as my guide ,and love in my heart,no-one will take my true qualities away.I do believe i can do better, given the circumstances,it is all there is to say.
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Dear David,
ReplyDeleteCharities are about love. When they are not, they cease to be a charity. Much the same for me, when I cease to approach people with love, and understanding, then I erroneously sit in judgment.
Just last week, Heather P. was sharing with me that the surest way to peace was to avoid judging anyone, including myself. So I have begun trying her suggestion and have found a great relief for dc.
Aw, David, I would love to have friends outside of the blog I write. I would love to meet everyone who has ever left me a comment. I don't know why life is this way now.
My outside world is composed of people so busy, so burdened, and maybe I am least important too. But I'm learning to let them go and forgive "what they're missing"... me!
Sad to hear about that group you were with; I continue to hope that the 'right' one will show it's face soon... where you can shine!
Cheers David!
Dear Dave,
ReplyDeleteJust a quick comment to say I sincerely hope that you get through this difficult time and can find people out there who will help and support you. I hope you can continue with your plans for a mental health group (it sounds like a great idea). Oh, and of course, continue to get joy from your music and motorcycling.
With Very Best Wishes,
David.
P.S. I think mopst of us who have had experience of mental ill health have found themselves isolated and alone at some point. All I can say is it can and does get better.