Saturday 14 November 2009

ONE IN THE MORNING

It is ONE in the morning,no sleep,simply not right,it is wearing me out .Constant low moods ,coupled with anxiety,are not acceptable, I cannot focus ,or keep up the fight with depression,and ,have no sleep,it is no use to me .The dog is unsettled, i am getting more annoyed with this constant disruption,it is affecting my progress,I am really putting effort into everything, its just not happening.Most of the issues are related to,me,not being able to relax,allowing bad habits to return.I know ,through past experience,things do turn,its just that I am right in the densest ,darkest of worlds in my minds eye. Why i punish myself, is the main question , I have no qualms about my actions,or indeed my principles. I ignore the abuse, testily ,yes, but it is done,what is there left?I do try to see others points of view,not judging,or having a closed mind.I am at a loss as to what to do next.All the CBT,in the world will not solve this.Circles,just another vicious circle, and one that continually ,flummoxs me,why am I still in this situation,everyone else has gotten ,jobs ,new friends, different lives, me I am still in this black hole.Am i stuck in a rut ,is it ill fortune,or bad judgement,what?Sorry ,if this sounds so dour it is truth,not pretty, or aspirational,it is what it is.IT WOULD SEEM THAT i AM AT MY WITS END.I would dearly love to be part of a group of friends,to share my thoughts with,never happened.My intentions for the group are still alive,barely,not the most patient person i know,ITS BEEN SO LONG.It is still in the far distance,like the dream ,you keep on running toward your goal,and it stays the same distance away.No clever way out of this ,i will say that I appreciate the help i have had from others,it must be me beating myself with a big stick again.PEACE TO YOU ALL [AHEM]HOP YOUR WEEKEND IS PLEASANT.
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2 comments:

  1. klahanie14 November 2009 at 19:56

    Hi David,
    It is close to 4 O' Clock in the morning and I am, as usual, wide awake. So I know what it's like.
    Dave, my situation of isolation and loneliness is similar to yours. I guess the difference is that I am resolute that my life will be positive.
    Embrace your goals, your dreams and stay determined to be positive. It works for me and I know that life can only get better. I know I have a choice. You are better than your negative speculation. Never give those that would undermine you, permission to control your environment. Hold your head high, be strong and break that circle.
    Kind wishes, Gary

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  2. david.s15 November 2009 at 01:09

    Hey,Gary,thank you for yourr comment,I understand your situation more so now than ever,you deserve better,I know you will get better.I will not let these cretins win ,I will continue to do as I will,they cannot be allowed to have any power ,I will take my own.I AM proud of myself,I KNOW i can do better.PEACE,yours in defiance.Dave.s

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