Dont lose that number.

Taking this year,as a measure,of managing my illness ,it has been hard work ,with nothing to show but grief.Doors are closing people are dissapearing, it has been a devastating time .When no-one believes you ,you are totally alone,what next?Its funny,everyone wants to know you when things are working out ,when you REALLY need them ,you are left out in the cold.It seems no-one can put up wth me,my truth, empty cries into space,its utterly despairing.SO I now know that there is little honour in being a gentle compassionate human being.All the pain,and cold hearted people i have found ,am i a magnet for the ones who use decent ,vulnerable poeple.So my support is totally non-existant.PEOPLE have chosen to ignore my position, and i am powerless to reverse this.i AM NOTgiving up ,I came to a point ,where i was about to delete this blog ,and disconnect any contact,too late .Things dont improve, I keep on digging deeper ,whatever people think I know I am doing my best,no matter what other parties think.If no-one else has faith in me ,i do.