Friday 22 May 2009
the wall
what stops communicating,fully ,openly,truly?that invisible,that invisible barrier,tightness of the chest,seizing[safety mechanisms?my last vestige of self esteem,need,doing whats right,still insufficient.no amount of cros examination,brings the wall down.if only others couldse,,what appearsto be inability to get close,is my WALL,it is uncontrollable[is it ?]i need to get through it ,that is my gaol[often,the people who push others away,and appear distant,crave that closness,intimacy,engagement,meaningful discourse,the MOSTmisunderstood?i should cocoayet i fail to see the same in others.to me ,its inadequecy,fear of rejecttion,or worse ,apathy.the other side,from my point of view,is ,it is worth the effo rt,what,exactly ,do i have to lose?balanced against the gains?armed with this knowledge/belief,i shall continue to chip away,at the icy wall between me ,and myself.it really allis about communication,most often with the most important people in my life,the few people iregard as real friends,if only to let them know,i am in their debt,how much i love ,andvalue them.they have my world.is that so wrong?so if you see me on my travels,say hi,and know that i do care,empathise,born out of fear ,the wall will die,and the real me,will walk out of the mist of repression,and i will believe...................tough times dont last,tough people do!
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Dear dave.s, I would like to write what I’ve discovered about my wall. Noone has to accept what I write, just know that I’m a better person for paying attention to me and my wall.
ReplyDeleteOne day I found that sitting in front of my wall was nice, just watching people walk by. I felt protected and didn’t have to say anything unless I chose to. One day I was reading a book and someone walked past my wall and asked what I was reading? Soon a conversation was going between us. I really liked it but I was afraid. Took me a while before I realized I could have another conversation if I simply said, “hello.” Others fear their wall more than I fear mine now.
Being close to people takes time. Time we may not want to share. That’s okay, as there are always plenty of people to be found. Last November I was thinking to buy a motorscooter; you had one and were telling about riding it… do you remember? Did you ever go? Life is worth touching the wall of another, if only for the joy of being alive. Thanks for letting me share.
Hi David,
ReplyDeleteThe wall, the barrier, the shell, the mask whatever we choose to call it; is what we use to protect ourselves.
It takes great courage to remove the layers of protection that actually stifle our progress as humans. It is so much better to be transparent and show the world just who we are.
I know you try to be transparent and for that I commend you. I see your qualities of compassion, caring and genuine empathy as a sign of great strength. If others would dismiss your kind intentions then that is their loss.
You are growing in strength, David.
hi ,gary,this "persona"is seen every time you switch on the TV, radio,the way people will behave , and see things in a conditioned way[stereotypes,preconcieved notions]i suppose it is easier to do this , than use your own experience ,an d intellect to see through this mask.i am glad you can see the real "me",all i can do is what i believe is right,and ,yes,there are always those who use others good nature against them,i have always known this ,but it heartens me ,you have acknowledged this fact ,at last ,someone ,has faith in the real me.peace,humility,and good karma.dave.s
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