Wednesday 27 May 2009

still the same

seems like a lifetime[it is]since i sat upstairs ,alone ,in my mind,literally,my creativity stifled,by mistrust,apathy,lackof self belief.how have things changed/does anyone understand?i think ,the worst part ,is ,some do ,yet stil do not reach out to connect.i am trying harder than ever to reach others ,be who i believe i should be[ i am ]where next?faith can move mountains,can it make people care? i have learned much about others recently,i am just a passing ship in the night,just a glance,thenback to the REAL people"him again"where ,ezactly do i fit in ,in this world?moving through like a ghost.i keep trying to connect,cant do it.doesnt mean i will stop trying though[i am sorely tempted to ,right now.]i will have to explore other avenues,it is exhausting.48yrs of indifference,thats a lot to counter,it is possible?does noone else believe in me?that is the message i am getting.the physical pain drains me,i will have to learn to live with it.soulmates/hah!noone will even be seen with me,i can only give so much, before i dissapear into isolation once more.the last thing i want to do,i know there are good people out there,i wish they appreciated me ,as much as i do them.and i genuinely do ,just to close,i do have some resources,they are in short supply ,at the moment.still the same,but different.
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3 comments:

  1. Dixie@dcrelief28 May 2009 at 15:09

    Hi Dave,
    "We teach best, what we most need, to learn."
    So what I'm about to share with you, is what I need to learn for me to have a better life.

    As a child I expected my family to always be there for me. Later, I was grown but still making demands of all adults... as if I were a baby, whose needs were more important than anyone else's life. It wasn't my fault that I was emotionally stunted, but unfortunately, any friends I wanted did not like this behavior. The sad part is... no one would tell me the problem. So I went for years from person to person, being rejected. You know?
    There are only four emotions in the world: mad, sad, glad, and scared. There are lots of ways to express the level you feel, but only four emotions. Dave, I never felt "glad."
    Well, I've said enough; hopefully not too much. You're a nice friend. Talk later. In peace, Dixie

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  2. david.s30 May 2009 at 11:00

    thanks, dixie,as long as i feel something,i know there is chance i can change that ,something ,into something ,good for me.dixie ,you always teach me a new way of seeing things,its fascinating ,and your eloquence is an inspiration, and a motivation,peace be in your heart.

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  3. Dixie@dcrelief1 June 2009 at 22:14

    Hello,
    Could not pass up this chance to finish what I wanted to say last time; my fingers bummed out!!
    For me creativity always comes from inside. Other people may give me ideas or materials... but I revel in the chance to create. That makes me glad....(which is where I lost my train of thoughts last time I was here, Dave.)
    Oh, and the other thought I had was this: to be appreciated... you have to be heard or seen. Just like you're doing in this wonderful website!
    I'm a changed person from reading your ideas here. Think about that. Love you mate. x.dixie

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