being myself

I will try to be open about my feelings ,recently,theres been an imbalance in my life .I am insecure in my relationships,to the point of self destruction,and its not getting any better.I suppose that I should be thankful for any relationships,as everyone knows,they can be painful,and with a combination of a sequence of unfortunate coincidences,is pushing things to the brink.Trying to find some perspective in all this,is what I am lacking,a step back is important to see the reality.Patience is an ongoing theme in these posts,thats because,it is vital in my management of problems in everyday life.Instead of looking for people to let me down,I should be better to myself,take more care of myself,make sure my health is taken care of ,before worrying about others.People keep telling me ,I am too hard on myself,how do I stop that?Years of constant digs and chipping at my confidence,has left me almost believeing this ROT.I do know the truth,is so different,I now know ,that I am caring ,compassionate,decent,open -minded ,intelligent person.Yet ,I have to keep this forever in the forefront of my mind,while all this garbage is festering in the subconscious,only now ,has it been brought to the fore,causing all this misery,and anguish.Heres me ,thinking I had dealt with all these issues,and they come right back to haunt me.To try and put a positive spin on this,[heres the hard bit]I now know that I can go through all this ,yet still remain intact,re;I still have self respect,honesty, and compaassion.I am still here,better for it,another lesson learned.