faith

I dont think another look back,will help,in my present situation,so i need to look at how i percieve things now/in the future.SO far,things that I had hoped for have not worked out,so how much longer do i continue to beat myself up?My decision to leave a network,is based on complete indifference, and my self -destructive nature [frustration].The more i made it obvious ,the less positive feedback i got,not conducive to my mental wellbeing,another potential resource lost,with good reason.Others have made it clear i am not welcome,with a domino effect on possibilities,all locked doors,not due to me,but i know people have had words,behind my back.It would seem there is no forgiveness in my life ,once i am judged ,without a balanced decision,thats me lost.Having been judged so often,tiresomely,i make it a point of mine to not judge others,all my decisons have been in good faith,and with others best interests at heart,says it all.It is hard to see things clearly ,reeling in the wake of recent events.There appear to be brick walls in my way,no matter what i do,i set out to help others ,its as simple as that,given the chance i am still going to do just that,despite no-one seeming to have any interest in either my efforts ,or health.Struggling to find a positive thing in all this ,not what i set out to do.Istill have my beautiful dog Sheba,my family,a home, despite all this ,i still respect myself,i know how hard all this is, yet i keep on trying,there is no choice,back to the drawing board ,where to go from here ,,is past my present state of mind,its back to small steps,this time too shall pass,trying to like myself,and not let others use my good nature against me.It seems a long way to go ,to end up in the same place 3yrs later .Just have to look at what good can come of this,treat it as a [harsh] lesson,and believe in myself even more than before ,steel myself ,and be strong,my recovery ,with or without friends,is my responsibility.PEACE.