there must be some misunderstanding

someone once explained to me,that to get the negative thoughts out of your mind ,onto paper,would help with perspective? personally i would say it depends on your frame of mind WHEN you do so .thats just a brief example of how negative my feelings are [closing doors again]i do know ,that i need to stop expecting others to behave the way i expect.[thats always a recipe for misunderstanding<]why doesnt everyone else see the pain they cause people,or how deeply they hurt me,and how desperately i need to express my affecttion,gratitude[without reading something else?]why dont they appreciate the same things i do?and why are they so ambivalent[or just plain cold] to my warmth,sensitivity and deeply caring nature?why should they be?they cannot read my mind ,they too have worries, families, fears,hopes and fears.i am really trying to see the good in people,they dont make it easy,but ,i know ,thatneither do i! in my isolation ,perspective is difficult to find,remember ,others have their preoccupations ,their pain.the real point here,is i have to look outside of myself to truly see whats actually inside. does that make sense? empathy is a powerful thing,its just another thing ,i will carry on my journey.

genesis;wheredoes it start?

so ,this is ,me dave.s.i am 48 yrs old [live at home]and for most of my life have lived with depression/anxiety, and the uncertainty that goes with it .i recall standing in the schoolyard, wondering why ,at 4yrs old ,i felt profoundly alone ,seperate,apart.throughout school, and,even now i have stood in others shadows,who am i ?i guess that ,was the start of my troubles.not being allowed to be myself,trying in vain ,to fit in[round peg,square hole]and being abused because i did not.who do i trust ,they all seem to let me down?it is with me always,even in my dreams,so i try to distract my thoughts to others,in my teens ,i was plagued by self doubt ,indifference, and confusion,and little ,or no faith in myself ,or others.friendless,isolated,hopeless.the past few years ,have seen me realise, that i do possess,good qualities,of use to others.only now ,after decades of self loathing,iam now beginning to value myself,and have come to realise i am capable of attaining gaols i had all butr elinquished.the time has come for this flower to blossom.iam now realising my true worth.AMEN!

trouble in sight

how do you solve the unsolvable?what you dont know cant hurt you /wanna bet?i am reffering to my recruitment to a "mental health" organisation,with the best of intentions, and the worst of results .no matter how much you believe people ,they are still,just people,[same needs ,faults ,weaknesses]i have had my faith, and trust ,severely tested ,to my limited strenghts .i now know ,despite my difficult past, i am still a worthwhile, valuable ,creative person.with much to give ,i just need to be allowed to give it? the furure ,to me[at this point] is bleak,but i will continue to search for my truth.it is ,after all ,my perceptions, that shape my, actions ,words,interactions.the thing i crave the most,is the thing i avoid,company,understanding,empathy.its not new,most folk will be familiar with this scenario.easieer said than done ,it makes me physically sick with worry.[now]i have always felt seperated from others,it seems i was right .

i have finally made the leap

this has been a long time coming!before i begin,there are so many people who have inspired, and encouraged me to write down my thoughts,feelings to try to se for myself ,if i am able to be as expressive as i would wish,my warmest blessings to you all., where to start?i 'll just say that ,first of all ,i am single 48 yrs old [still at home!]this is really about my perceptions through the eyes of someone who has "mental health problems" and my experiences/relationships[mostly short, and painful]and what i see ,sometimes ,as a conflict between my values ,lack of self belief,in a hostile world[more negativity]the positive sidee ,is that i now know i have a choice,as tto how i deal with my own thoughts,which i believe colours the world as i see it.i am ,in my heart, someone who loves words ,is an avid motorcycles fanatic, and my world is enhanced in evry way ,by all kinds o f music.my aim ,like so many,is to challenge the negative perceptions of people with any kind of mental health prolbems,nobodies perfect!1 the important thing is ,this is a start,apologies to all ,it wil get better![good intentions, eh/?