Trust?

One of the biggest hurdles I have had to traverse"in recovery",is trusting people.So many times ,in the past,others have betrayed me ,in the cruelest ways .Abusing my friendship, my openess, my values/beliefs.When this happens consistently,it begins to turn one cynical.To a large degree ,i still am.Iam very sensitive about my lack of relationships,some find this amusing,were roles reversed they would see things very differently.I am aware of my appearance,to be ridiculed ,constantly,is ,i find a cop out ,for the lazy minded bigot.Iknow there are others who suffer the same treatment,you are not alone.All these factors contributed to my self -imposed isolation,Iknow ,in my heart ,that i am a considerate,warm-hearted ,decent person.These cheap jibes,are for the weak, to falsely boost their self-esteem,they are the ones who have the REAL problems.This has led to me being "seperated"[or thats the way it makes me feel]from others , It puts barriers ,between myself and others,preventing me from forming any close relationships[the very thing Idesperately need]As I WRITE ,THIS ,Ican feel myself shaking with anxiety/distress,Iam trying to be transparent,at what cost/ridicule,apathy?This is my personal view ,but to me ,my reality.That It can change Is a fact ,Ifi it will,remains to be seen.The journey continues,amI the Alien,or are they?